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Oh Patron, you know I love you right? You were the first drink I ever fell in love with when I became legal to drink. I have had other affairs prior to you but they meant nothing. They all tasted like juice compared to the supple agave nectar you derived from. Oh the taste of your aged flavors dance along my tongue and smoothly drip down my throat leaving the sweet smell to linger in my mouth. After minutes go by and I have had all that I can handle from you after 5 shots, you firmly let me know who you are and what you’re about.

You are the one the opens me up and tends to extra life to my day but, you are also the one who have me becoming very intimate with porcelain when I’ve had too much of you.

Forever my love but I have to be honest lately I have been having an affair with Bombay.

I am sorry for this betrayal but, you have to understand this was not to hurt you but I was introduced and hooked by the first sip.

Please forgive for I will make this all up tonight to ring in the new year.

Happy new year mufuckas

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Posted by on December 31, 2015 in Dumb Sh*t, Humor, Random Sh*t

 

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Therapy Session

I swear niggas are slow they are just as confused as females that claim to know what they want.
A female can say that they want a relationship but as soon as it’s started and that honeymoon phase is over she trying to call it quits or does some shit to fuck it up.

It’s been on and off between me and this asshole and for a brief time it ended but like magnets couldn’t stay away from each other. I get a whole big speech of how we should be together and blah blah blah.
Totally apprehensive about going back eventually we do now and I get some bullshit of how he not trying to be in a relationship with me because I have an attitude problem and don’t take anything serious.

REALLY NIGGA!!!?!!?!!!!!?!!?!!!!?

I refuse to be one of the people that start inadvertently start telling their ex or whatever to accept them for the person they are by saying ” how bad they are going to miss them”, “how lucky they were” and some bullshit of “how they won’t find anyone like them”.
You know the dumb shit. I hate when people, primarily females practically begging a muthafucker to not break up and take them back.

Sorry but not sorry.

BITCH grow a fucking spine and walk away from that chicken dinner and get you a winner, without that “I ain’t going to beg your ass but actually I am” attitude.

Anyway back to me a buddy, I know that I am a smart ass, sarcastic muthafucker but I don’t look at it as having a bad attitude. You can’t really say that I have a bad attitude if your an asshole and can’t tell me a single example of what I did. I am a person that I learn from example. You can’t say I did something wrong but not tell me what I did. That doesn’t make any fucking sense. ANYWHERE.

Who the fuck is he to say that I don’t take shit seriously. That alone is a clear fucking sign that this asshole doesn’t know the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground. 

This is the shit I go through being single and dealing with idiots. I honestly hold back the most in some of the shit that he says, so excuse the fuck out of me. If a collective group of people heard the simplest shit that comes out of his mouth they might think he was dropped on his head. LOL slightly kidding.

UGH! I needed to vent about this idiot because my best friend and sister would’ve slapped the shit out of me once I finished, hell maybe mid way of me yelling, screaming and; dare I say it; crying. Sad I know but hey muthafucker I can’t be gang banging on everything.

LMAO…I tried to say that shit as if I gave a fuck about this bitchass nigga.

FUCK THAT MUTHAFUCKER.

I say this now because I am on the outskirts of relationship zone, but because I’ve known this same asshole for nearly 10 years now I know that it’s going to take a minute before we put each other back in friendzone.

Before you even say, we’ll technically he has been put you in the friendzone, fuck you bitch no he hasn’t. This punk ass is too proud to admit shit and sadly to say I know him to well. Plus not to really go there but he praises my pussy every time I’m in his presence. He damn sure isn’t the only one, who does either.

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2015 in Random Sh*t

 

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Merry Christmas

I hope everyone was able to have a good holiday or if you don’t celebrate at least a nice day off

 
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Posted by on December 25, 2013 in Life, My Thoughts, News, Random Sh*t

 

I’mmmmmmmm back

Hey folks, man has it been a min since we last talked. I last left you when i was baking; celibate and freaking the fuck out from possibly being pregnant with someone’s spawn. Well just to bring you up to speed on what’s current, i am banging on a regular basis and NOT pregnant and still baking. Sorry i haven’t been posting as at least a good blogger would but hey i don’t so get over it.

I’ve had some shit that needed my full attention so hopefully everything is cool now. Anyway just because i don’t mind sharing; in a previous post i may have mentioned about my F.A.B. (fake ass boyfriend) well buddy is still around until shit gets serious or i find someone else but i think i may keep him around since he’s buying me shit. I know I know that’s slightly fucked up but hey it is what it is. I don’t ask for shit he offers and he can afford it.

Now as for more updates about my baking i will get back to my first love. I’ve taking. a few classes to touch up my skills so i can pay some bill. Hopefully i will be able to post some mouth-watering desserts this summer. Just a heads up i’m gonna be a little busy but i know that i can post some things for you to lick the screen.

So until next time and hopefully soon i will be posting more shit.

love your Suzy home-maker with a potty-mouth

P.S. So far as for music, for the start of the summer, I’ve been listening to Phoenix – Bankrupt! and Chuck Inglish – Drops

 
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Posted by on June 12, 2013 in Life, News, Random Sh*t

 

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FROM CELIBACY TO PLAN B

So after about 14 months i am no longer out of commission. I FINALLY got the D but there maybe a bigger crises to avoid.
Just this past Saturday i went to a club with friends supporting a friends’ new job as a bartender in which i have to say she sucks. What kind of friend would i be to lie. Anyway when heading to the club i brought my fake-ass boyfriend along to party and so we could go home afterwards.
He is my fake-ass boyfriend due to we clearly know where we stand with each other, when we are together and when we’re not. No confusion and misunderstandings here.
The night was someone hectic but short lived. Just keep in mind that this night included alcohol and maybe a drug or two. Myself and my fake-ass boyfriend (now being called buddy in this story) pre-gamed with a “bar”. If you know what that is great, if not go ask a baser. This wasn’t a heavy drug and no flipping out but it made the night better later after the club.
Immediately after we went back to buddy house i wanted to sleep but the pressure i was feeling of something being pressed in my ass caused me to be somewhat alert.

Thinking back on it, it feels like a dream almost as if it didn’t happen; like a dreamt it all. It seems like i wasn’t awake but i know i was because there were a LOT of things happening. It was pretty great for me since i wasn’t getting any D in 14 months.
The last i remember is that he pulled out and it landed on my ass. He was nice enough to wipe it off and i literally passed out.
(Sidenote: If he can at least wipe his nut off of you he is fuck-able in the future and may care but if he doesn’t let that be the last time ya’ll have sex.)
After our coma i woke up to birds chipping, the sun shining and the nigga holding me snoring in my ear. I did the whole “were are my panties” line for a good minute.
Then took the walk of shame, not because i had sex but only because i don’t do sleep overs. I started to recap what the hell went down and why it was so good. It all was coming back to me that this nigga went raw damn near the entire time.
I didn’t get entirely upset because me and buddy have history but i started thinking more and more that i don’t want this nigga spawn in me.
For some that paid attention in health class, besides catching an STD when hitting it raw you can get pregnant even when using the pull out method. To those that know me on a personal level, i don’t like kids and damn sure don’t want any of my own rugrats running around no time soon.
After giving buddy his props on how it was good but then in the same breath cursing him out about the possible shit that can happen the call ended after he said, “you should go take the Plan B”.
After a full recovery i went to the pharmacy nervous and humiliated asking for the Plan B. After all of my years promiscuity i never been in this situation nor had an abortion. That would’ve been the next step if this shit fails. Sorry for all you pro life folks but you all can kindly click that exit button if you feel sensitive about that comment.
To conclude i took the Plan B hoping there won’t be a part 2 to this story of how shit is getting sucked out of me like a Dyson.

Happy New Year, forgive me for my extreme late pass

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2013 in Dumb Sh*t, My Thoughts, Random Sh*t

 

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Lesbian Porn

Let me state this, I don’t have a problem with homosexual people and want them to experience the same rights as heterosexual folks but my main thing is the sexual act of lesbians.

Recently I was watching porn and rubbing one out, because of my accidental celibacy and I decided to look at some different shit. This is not my first time looking at lesbian porn but I don’t think I was paying attention at the time. Anyway I looked at some lesbian porn and the entire time I’m watching it, I just kept looking confused and had so many questions. Like are these real lesbians? Why does one have a strap-on under her clothes like it was actually her dick? Why the fuck are they grinding on each others leg? Believe me there were more questions but I truly didn’t understand it.
I decided to look at one were I guess they were actually lesbians (lesbians that were more butch) and still more questions. I’ve been watching porn for years and seen some very VERY strange shit.
I’ve seen threesomes with a guy and 2 girls or a girl and 2 guys but I never had questions it was self explanatory. I just didn’t understand lesbian porn at all. Maybe it’s not for me to understand and i really should be thinking to hard about sex especially lesbian porn but seriously something just needs to be explained or cleared up.
I guess the main confusion come from looking at lesbians have sex with a dildo blows my mind. I mean like apparently these women have sworn off dick yet they want to be fucked with a fake one. These hoes (everyone’s are hoes to me) are being forced to have semi-hetero sex. I can’t be the only one who has thought of this.
These hoes won’t have sex with a guy the same way but they will with a female, why? Why is it that you grind on each others legs when you can just do the shit yourself. I know if there are any lesbians reading this maybe the way you have sex is not the same in these lesbian porn flicks but if you do I think your look stupid.
I damn sure don’t understand scissoring.
Maybe it’s the entire act of being with a female. I understand the situation of being with someone who understands female issues without you having to explain because of course they are female as well. I just don’t think I could do it for more than a day, not to mention when your on your period. I know for sure I’m not pleasant and don’t want to be bothered why the fuck would I want to deal with another female and her shit.
I guess I’ll add this to my list of strange porn shit I’ve seen.

Disclosure: For the following person(s) that take offense to my opinion get the fuck out of your feelings. Have a great day

 
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Posted by on October 1, 2012 in Dumb Sh*t, Humor, My Thoughts, Random Sh*t

 

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Accidental celibacy

(PSA: I’m NOT looking for anything from some of the pervs reading this)

The last time i had sex, not counting by myself, was November 2011. This is a bittersweet moment because I remember times in which not getting any for a month was brutal. Months were flying by before I realized that I hadn’t been getting any.
This is an accidental celibacy not by choice or to better myself because its just not; it just happened. I could blame it on being busy but that would be a lie. I could say that I haven’t been horny but that would be a lie too. There’s been plenty of times in which I wanted rape niggas(all races) were they stood but, I never did. And no I didn’t have an STD either.
I just think that there hasn’t been anybody that I wanted to have sex with. I’ve out grown all the guys I use to have sex with. I guess I’m looking for someone who I don’t have to say anything and will know what to do. It’s fun meeting new people and other times it’s not but I feel it maybe sometime before I find Mr. Right Now to fuck me 60 ways till Sunday. I know that’s a lot but sex adjusts my attitude and without it for nearly a year is not a good thing.
I did the one night stand years ago and that’s not for me but I’m fine with that. I need someone who will play a part-time recurring role.
I guess since everything is a learning experience i have to dig deep to realize what this means, if anything. It’s not as if i was living a truly extreme promiscuous life, compared to some of these ratchet females. I guess I’ll just finish out my year until then I’m going to be glued to all the free porn websites.

 
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Posted by on September 27, 2012 in Dumb Sh*t, Life, Random Sh*t

 

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