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Category Archives: My Thoughts

Absence makes the heart grow colder

It’s seems as if history is repeating itself.

So I am a scorpio so I think it has something to do with many of my traits and quirks. Nonetheless I kinda feel as if I need a change…just a little.

Last night I was talking with Buddy just to get an understanding of us being on the same page. I practically asked him “what are we?” just in a different form to which the typical female in my situation would ask. 

He in turned said that “there could be more but you are to distant.”

When I first heard him say this my first reaction was a very impulsive one to say well, “fuck you too, let’s end it”, but after much needed sleep. I woke up a few hours before my alarm and the previous conversation was still on my mind. 

I was thinking about how the hell am I going to break this shit off with buddy and in a smooth, less painful heart breaking way for me; but then I went back to sleep.

I woke to the gental sounds of my alarm and had a serious deja-vu moment. The words from buddy from the previous night were clearly reminiscent from a previous love in my life.

The previous love ended many years ago and after it ended it took me about 2-3 years to truly realize what he was saying.

For many years I thought that the previous love and I ended because he was stupid and didn’t appreciate heaving sex here and there with no attachments. He pretty much told me that he didn’t like the fact that I would just show up every few months and have sex then disappear until I wanted him again. 
For me I didn’t think anything of it and was just going off his vibes. For me if I get the feeling that you only want sex that’s what your going to get but if you want more than just sex I test you a few times a to see where your mind is at; once you fail all bets are off so don’t punish me because you didn’t take the bait when you had multiple chances.

Back then I was young and a hopeless romantic. Watching all these movies about how the guy will fall for you and want to be with forever. There may have been a game or two played but the biggest game of it all was distance.  

I used to believe absence made the heart grow fonder.

It wasn’t until read that in a book that absence makes the heart grow colder to which I had my “Eureka!” moment.

So immediately when I woke up this morning I realized if I want to keep this relationship and not fuck up I need to balance my hermit life and social life just a little bit better.

I never realized it but constantly being away and by myself was so normal to me but abnormal to whoever I was with at the time. Apparently others didn’t appreciate it. It’s strange that I find comfort in solitude, but yet there are time I want to be around others; mainly buddy. I realized during this moment of epiphany, even as I write this, that if I don’t change I will be lonely as hell. FOREVER.

I have yet to come to share this moment of clarity with buddy but I’m hoping that if he is serious at being with me that he will understand that I be dealing with some internal shit and that he takes some time to realize it’s worth the wait.

So yeah that’s what I am dealing with so early in the year.

I usually say I’ll try to post more but as a lie life happens I’ll post when I post. I know I’m late but Happy New Year fuckers.

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Posted by on February 1, 2017 in My Thoughts

 

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Best friends become strangers

So has anyone ever had that friend you been cool with since day 1 and damn near 10 years go by and out the blue they’re ignoring you and not talking to you.

I know what you’re thinking well, you must have done something wrong. Sorry Charlie, but no.

If what I did was ask for money she owed me, well go play hop scotch in the street.

This is some shit that has confused the hell out of me for the past 3 weeks.

I’ve called and called and nothing. I’ve left voicemail and still nada.

Christmas came and gone and still I’m being avoided like a bill collector.

If you’re mad at someone and you don’t let them know then there really is no issue. Also if you’re over the age of 30 and you still can’t express yourself to people you called your best friend, hell even your sister then you seriously should seek help.

I’ve always kept it 100 with her and I thought it would be the same but, hey with how things are today you can’t expect people to use their brain let alone come to a person they supposedly have a problem with.

It’s sad that it’s come to this. I was upset then but after a few months I think I’ll see if she is still alive and call her to see what the issue was.

Anyway it’s the new year upon us and hopefully I can expect for there to be bigger and better changes.

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2015 in Life, My Thoughts

 

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The last day

Ever since i’ve turned 21 NYE has sort of become a big deal to me. I’m not one of those people that say the same shitty line of “New year, new me” in which they ultimately don’t do anything to change. I’m  not stupid enough to say that bullshit. It’s just that ever since i was underage my family always seemed to go out and enjoy themselves and leave my latch-key ass in the  house.
I hated but ever since the clock hit 12 on 11/09/2007 I  was ready to do back flips, because I knew that I was going go out and do the typical NYE shit. Well that didn’t happen.
I know you’re like well why didn’t you chill with friends…well I am a lonely stoner and there are few people in which i did hang out with but guess what all those muthafuckers were over 21.
I never did the whole club thing on NYE because honestly why the fuck would you go to a crowded club where they are going to triple the door price just so they can say the made the year. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT. LITERALLY. I’m not trying to go to a club that packed, hot as hell and sweet out my hair and new dress. And get all the way fuck outta here if you think i am going to where some heels to stand in all night and get hammertime toes.
I could be a Debbie Downer and say it’s not that serious and it just another day to be doing all that shit but fuck it enjoy your muthafuckin self. Whether you’re doing it at home, club or somewhere on a beach. It’s a great time for reflection on the fun shit that happened not the bad.
So currently i am at a hair salon getting my wig done so i can go have a party at my house. That’s right i am getting dressed up to stay at home and party my ass off. It’s BYOB, so that’s pretty clear of open bar, music will be provided by whatever Spotify has and food will be deliciously catered by Chick-fil-A. The grand finally will include fireworks.
Doesn’t that sound fun and safe and it’s available for all ages. I have the family friendly way of bringing in the new year.
Plus it’s a great way for my dogs to be with me.
Yes, I am a dog lover.

Enjoy the new year and be safe and see ya’ll tomorrow. Hopefully shit works out for you all and that i can tell ya’ll how shit is with me more often. I know i tell that same lie each time i post but hey a muthafucker be busy.

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2014 in Life, My Thoughts, News

 

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Everyone is an activist

So if you logged on to the internet within the past 48 hours your should’ve come across the story about Mike Brown; if not please stop being a dumbass and go do some research.
There is still an investigation and angered citizens in St. Louis and many corners of the world about the recently graduated teenager who was killed by a police officer. 
OK so let me say this first, I am going to look at this as a person being killed and not by race. I know that racism is still alive and unfortunately well in this world and I think it will start to really become smaller once all the old racist start dying off, but that’s a discussion for a different post. In this case I know that it may unbelievably apparent that it might have been a race issue but the cop is still a mystery until more details come out.
Moving on… the death of this teenager was unnecessary, inexcusable and from all of the eyewitnesses that were interviewed so far it seemingly should be that the officer should be put underneath a prison, but knowing how well the justice department looks out for their own there will have to be a big ass miracle that will have to happen in order for this fool to go to jail.

This is a terrible tragedy that has happened to this teenager and his family and friends, which so happened to had been overshadowed yesterday by the suicide of Robin Williams. Since then people have been in an uproar on social media and everyone has turned into a social networking activist. What I say to those people is…sit your ass down.

This is not the first nor last the last time shit like this will happen, unless there is a change. People are quick to get up in arms when shit like this happens but once the judge has made their ruling or people stop(sorry to say) giving a shit people just give up and move on. The best and more recent example is the Trayvon Martin case. People were ready to rally and march and wearing hoodies, and I got it but once shit was final in court people moved on.
People like to make a blow out of everything and then when people are barely talking about it, its on to the next.

Let me make this clear the deaths of Mike Brown,  Trayvon Martin and countless others are not and should not be the talk of things when “the man” has fucked up and killed someone or shit has gone down.  People should not use it as the occasional quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, and Rev Al Sharpton when trying to relay the injustice that happened that one day during the hype of situations like this. The deaths of these young men should not be taken in vain when the time is right.

During times like these everyone wants to act like Martin and Malcolm but don’t have what it takes to actually make a difference. See if one thing that sets these fake ass activists from legends in history is that they weren’t going to stop until things were right. They didn’t take breaks and talk about other shit, they had a task make change and a difference and they were fully aware of the risks when it came down to getting shit correct. These fake ass activists only will advocate during times in which some people are getting killed. 
Now I know someone reading this might say “hell since you talking about why don’t you be about it” I have no problem saying I am not an activist nor am I one to make change.  I am a leader and follower in some situations just like many of us are. I have brilliant moments in which I lead and others in which I know I need to follow and let someone else take the wheel. My moments in leading are not nowhere near helping to move millions of people into a united future.  I have no problem saying I know my limits.
Many people on social media are Internet famous and thats all good to be able to spread some informative news that’s happening around the world to make people aware but hey don’t be a part time advocate, take that platform that Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, Evan Williams,  Kevin Systrom, Mike Krieger and many others have invented and use it make some noise.
It all cool to be on change.org and sign a petition but do more.
The Occupy movement was all good but damn where the hell are they. I honestly haven’t heard mich from them in a while. I mean with them it’s the perfect platform to start from they are trying to help the 99% and with the killing of innocent people I’m sure there had to be some division of there organization that has to deal with the needs of 100% of the population if not and one if them reads this,  I strongly recommend that you do it would be for the betterment of this country we live in.
Everyone has ideas, it’s the one person who acts upon them and make them happen.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2014 in Life, My Thoughts, News, People

 

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Regular News Update

For the past few months I have been looking for a home to purchase.  I am growing up in the world and I clearly need to start doing grown up things.

At one point the “Cooking Channel” and “The Food Network” were the channels I watched religiously but now I have been stuck on watching “HGTV”. I am completely overwhelmed and filled with anxiety at the same time.

I, like so many other, first time home owners have a lot of expectations in addition to that bitch called reality. There are so many things that I want to do but I need to make sure that I don’t end up in the poor house trying to do it.  Only thing I can do is just hope for good luck in my new endeavor of moving on up.

Anyway on to slightly different info I have not had my back blown out in a minute and my level of patience is growing at an all time high. For a number of different reasons. Just to name a few, “regular dick” buddy decided to be an asshole just minutes after the new year, so needless to say I am not speaking to him. Also “birthday dick” buddy (I got dick from on my birthday, i.e Birthday Fun) is at a distance for the his reasons. It’s kind of amazing how a good couple of amazing strokes will change my attitude.

I have recently been offered some dick just recently but unfortunately I’ve had it in the past and it was horrible, and that’s me putting it nicely. I would rather be irritable and frustrated then take him up on his offer.

Although it had been only 13 days into the new year I still haven’t talked to “regular dick” buddy. I thought about just being the bigger person just to use him but unfortunately the relationship we have made me stop thinking with my homegirl that lives in my panties and stay using my brain. He was the asshole and once he removes his head from his ass I’m sure he’ll get his act together.

As for “birthday dick” buddy, he needs to get his shit together pronto. He has one last opportunity otherwise he will be like “regular dick” buddy who begged for 4 years to get the box until I it was available.

Clearly I don’t have a romantic love life just an asshole and a weirdo.

I seriously need to get my life together.

In baking news, I can see with the end of last year and my constant baking for new clients this year maybe exciting and filled with flour in the air. I couple orders have come in so far. Only time will tell how I wm able to grow and expand.

Until next time phuckers, hopefully then I will have had an attitude adjustment.

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2014 in Life, My Thoughts, News

 

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New Year, New You huh?

Happy New Year phuckers

I know I’m late but work has been a little busy, but hopefully all the Happy New Year,  resolution, fireworks and any photos that were taken on New Years Eve have come to a complete halt. By now everyone has been told to have a happy new year that should last them until the next holiday, MLK day on Jan 20th. 

Many people who make resolutions for the new year just make to say they did it but honestly why do you need yo make goals at the beginning of the year so you can start doing things.
For those people who clearly could have made changes anytime throughout the year but decided January 1st was the day tell them to sit their dumbass down.

The only thing I can wish for us to try and be successful in this upcoming year. I am not going to be like these other dumbass people who say “this is going to be my year”. People who say shit like that need to be slapped in the face with a gallon of milk.

Only thing you can do is just do your best and hope shit works out and when it does you can recap at the end of the year and say if was my year but don’t call it prior to it happening. You’re practically jinxing yourself.

On another late, seriously extra late pass, I just watched M. Night Shymalan’s Unbreakable and maybe it’s me but this movie sucked to an unbelievable degree. I now remember why I wasn’t excited to see our when it was released. I was only watching if because I couldn’t find the remote.

Random side note: I need some new music to listen to.

Another random side note: I wonder how would things be if people didn’t care or find the personal lives of celebrities and fake ass celebrities so interesting?

Oh well until next time

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2014 in My Thoughts, News

 

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Merry Christmas

I hope everyone was able to have a good holiday or if you don’t celebrate at least a nice day off

 
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Posted by on December 25, 2013 in Life, My Thoughts, News, Random Sh*t