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Category Archives: Life

Don’t judge me: sex and tears

Disclaimer: don’t judge me, people do dumb, eyebrow raised shit but hey experience life an move on.

I always considered myself a reformed hoe. I changed my hoe-ish ways and was civilized but, last night changed all that.

Thanks to my love of Patron.
I was drunk off Parton….straight no chaser and I made bad choices that turned out to be good until some weird shit happened.

So it was around 9pm I receive a call from buddy #1 telling me that I should come over because he was feeling nice. Fine, whatever after 5 minutes of  serious convincing from his end on why I need to come to his place I give in.

Let me just set the mood for as to the state I was on when he called. My room was dark mainly because of the time but I also have blackout curtains. The tv was the only thing that illuminated the room. I have been hibernating in my room since the previous day and there is evidence of me getting food from the crumpled up chip and candy bags. Along with a plates, cups and empty water bottles thrown on the floor. My hair was wild and I am sure my breathe and body was too. I resembled a bum. A homeless lady just with a home. It was bad but I was comfortable…funky yet still comfortable.

So from that state to his call there definitely was a need of me being convinced that I needed to go out into the real world.

Moving on he tells me that he was drinking and feeling nice. To me that translate as decent dick for at least 20 minutes. This is what swayed me into turn my light on and getting into the shower to become a real person again.

Due to the fact that I was dragging my feet on going out for decent dick I declined on shaving…anywhere. I wasn’t extremely hairy in places but things were a tad bit wild.

Before I get there I hit up the liquor store because if he is feeling nice I need to get up to that level and Patron will get me there fast. I got a couple mini bottles and drunk them before I saw him. Immediately once I see him I knew that not only did he drunk but he was high. So clearly he is at a higher level of nice than I thought. He was high and had Hennessey so my inner me was like

hell yea I am going to rape you

” but of course the outer me had to be cool.

For those who drink Patron, let alone straight you know it tends to make you hot. Hot…like you are in a sauna with winter clothes on. It also make me have a tingling sensation….. oh man, I love Patron.

So I tell him I’m hot and I start taking my clothes off. Now I am laying there in my bra and panties trying to cool off and this would be great for him to start, but of course not. It’s about 45 minutes later I am still cooling off and getting sleepy. My tingling sensation is gone and I am ready to leave.

We finally have sex and on scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest) I was a solid 4.

So sad.

We’re laying there and I am talking made shit about how this was subpar dick and after the many time together I’ve only tapped out twice compared to him, which I know is greater than 20.

He starts falling asleep and I start playing games in my phone. Then the idea of me going home and playing with myself seems so much better. I start texting buddy #2 for some help in my solo session and he’s down.

Now before you even ask, buddy #2 was busy with work. I talked to him before I was no longer looking like a homeless lady. Also buddy #2 has an unpredictable schedule so who knew the series of events were to happen.

Moving on….

After I take a shower, I am trying to make a quick get away to go home buddy is trying to get me to stay. Oh hell no! I don’t do sleep overs. I finally leave still texting buddy #2 and I tell him how I miss him.

As soon as I start my engine, he sends me the best text ever.

“Come get some dick”

Oh my God!!!! I scream and shout not in the excitement of finally getting this text after months of being on hiatus with him and his good dick but because I just wasted my vagina for the day on buddy #1.

Why oh why, have they not invent the time machine yet?

After a long debate as I drive home of me pulling my hoe card out for this special moment I respond to him that I am on my way.

This was a serious debate of how can I go and have sex with one and a few hours have sex with another. I mean I have had sex with 2 different guys 23 hrs from each other but this was some serious hoe shit that I never done before.

Well I looked at it from many different ways.
1. Guys do it. I know the whole double standard thing blah blah blah but you gotta really think this was some “white whale” shit that I have been waiting for.
2. Protection. I used protection with one so I will also use it with the other. I can take being a hoe, but a nasty hoe I can’t love with.
3. Exclusivity. I am not in a relationship with either of this guy’s so I can live a scantily clad life for the night.
4. Privacy. I was going to take this to the grave but I decided to share with the world.
5. I am fucking horny. All buddy #1 did was get me to level where I needed to have sex.
6. It’s getting late. It’s Sunday, a school night I am not trying to be up all night knowing I have to get up in a few hours.

After all that I didn’t feel bad or judgment against myself about doing this.

I go to buddy #2 house and we talk for 2 minutes before he said “take it off now”.
I was so excited that I was able to have sex with him I declined him giving me head because again really fucked up plus I just missed his dick.

We have sex, and dammit the shit was amazing. Epic. The best.

Once…twice…three times in one session. It was well needed.

Something else happened in the midst of the second time. I started getting teary-eyed. Then I started to cry.

WTF.

I don’t know why I started to cry but I was just so good.

After we finished he asked if I was ok and all I could say is I’m just emotional right now and I don’t know why.

I don’t know if this was some life changing moment. If it was just that I finally had him and I was overwhelmed. Who knows but, this was scary.

This shit was bothering the hell out of me the entire time I was driving home. It wasn’t even that I was thinking about my hoe-ism, I was just dumbfounded on the fact that was crying.

It’s not like was in pain or hurting I was just overjoyed that I was having great sex and I just started to cry. Crazy.

Now that I’ve been able to reflect I guess I will be a hoe I just need to do it in moderation and I need to have more sex with buddy #2.

FYI for the judgemental fuckers that still read this and judged me, yes do get tested for diseases regularly because I trust none of these niggas. I did something stupid but hey many life experiences come from doing stupid shit. If I found out that these niggas left their spawn in me, well I’m pro-choice. If you still have shit to say fuck off.

Honestly who can say that haven’t done some stupid shit?

 
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Posted by on April 18, 2016 in Dumb Sh*t, Life

 

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Best friends become strangers

So has anyone ever had that friend you been cool with since day 1 and damn near 10 years go by and out the blue they’re ignoring you and not talking to you.

I know what you’re thinking well, you must have done something wrong. Sorry Charlie, but no.

If what I did was ask for money she owed me, well go play hop scotch in the street.

This is some shit that has confused the hell out of me for the past 3 weeks.

I’ve called and called and nothing. I’ve left voicemail and still nada.

Christmas came and gone and still I’m being avoided like a bill collector.

If you’re mad at someone and you don’t let them know then there really is no issue. Also if you’re over the age of 30 and you still can’t express yourself to people you called your best friend, hell even your sister then you seriously should seek help.

I’ve always kept it 100 with her and I thought it would be the same but, hey with how things are today you can’t expect people to use their brain let alone come to a person they supposedly have a problem with.

It’s sad that it’s come to this. I was upset then but after a few months I think I’ll see if she is still alive and call her to see what the issue was.

Anyway it’s the new year upon us and hopefully I can expect for there to be bigger and better changes.

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2015 in Life, My Thoughts

 

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The last day

Ever since i’ve turned 21 NYE has sort of become a big deal to me. I’m not one of those people that say the same shitty line of “New year, new me” in which they ultimately don’t do anything to change. I’m  not stupid enough to say that bullshit. It’s just that ever since i was underage my family always seemed to go out and enjoy themselves and leave my latch-key ass in the  house.
I hated but ever since the clock hit 12 on 11/09/2007 I  was ready to do back flips, because I knew that I was going go out and do the typical NYE shit. Well that didn’t happen.
I know you’re like well why didn’t you chill with friends…well I am a lonely stoner and there are few people in which i did hang out with but guess what all those muthafuckers were over 21.
I never did the whole club thing on NYE because honestly why the fuck would you go to a crowded club where they are going to triple the door price just so they can say the made the year. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT. LITERALLY. I’m not trying to go to a club that packed, hot as hell and sweet out my hair and new dress. And get all the way fuck outta here if you think i am going to where some heels to stand in all night and get hammertime toes.
I could be a Debbie Downer and say it’s not that serious and it just another day to be doing all that shit but fuck it enjoy your muthafuckin self. Whether you’re doing it at home, club or somewhere on a beach. It’s a great time for reflection on the fun shit that happened not the bad.
So currently i am at a hair salon getting my wig done so i can go have a party at my house. That’s right i am getting dressed up to stay at home and party my ass off. It’s BYOB, so that’s pretty clear of open bar, music will be provided by whatever Spotify has and food will be deliciously catered by Chick-fil-A. The grand finally will include fireworks.
Doesn’t that sound fun and safe and it’s available for all ages. I have the family friendly way of bringing in the new year.
Plus it’s a great way for my dogs to be with me.
Yes, I am a dog lover.

Enjoy the new year and be safe and see ya’ll tomorrow. Hopefully shit works out for you all and that i can tell ya’ll how shit is with me more often. I know i tell that same lie each time i post but hey a muthafucker be busy.

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2014 in Life, My Thoughts, News

 

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Everyone is an activist

So if you logged on to the internet within the past 48 hours your should’ve come across the story about Mike Brown; if not please stop being a dumbass and go do some research.
There is still an investigation and angered citizens in St. Louis and many corners of the world about the recently graduated teenager who was killed by a police officer. 
OK so let me say this first, I am going to look at this as a person being killed and not by race. I know that racism is still alive and unfortunately well in this world and I think it will start to really become smaller once all the old racist start dying off, but that’s a discussion for a different post. In this case I know that it may unbelievably apparent that it might have been a race issue but the cop is still a mystery until more details come out.
Moving on… the death of this teenager was unnecessary, inexcusable and from all of the eyewitnesses that were interviewed so far it seemingly should be that the officer should be put underneath a prison, but knowing how well the justice department looks out for their own there will have to be a big ass miracle that will have to happen in order for this fool to go to jail.

This is a terrible tragedy that has happened to this teenager and his family and friends, which so happened to had been overshadowed yesterday by the suicide of Robin Williams. Since then people have been in an uproar on social media and everyone has turned into a social networking activist. What I say to those people is…sit your ass down.

This is not the first nor last the last time shit like this will happen, unless there is a change. People are quick to get up in arms when shit like this happens but once the judge has made their ruling or people stop(sorry to say) giving a shit people just give up and move on. The best and more recent example is the Trayvon Martin case. People were ready to rally and march and wearing hoodies, and I got it but once shit was final in court people moved on.
People like to make a blow out of everything and then when people are barely talking about it, its on to the next.

Let me make this clear the deaths of Mike Brown,  Trayvon Martin and countless others are not and should not be the talk of things when “the man” has fucked up and killed someone or shit has gone down.  People should not use it as the occasional quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, and Rev Al Sharpton when trying to relay the injustice that happened that one day during the hype of situations like this. The deaths of these young men should not be taken in vain when the time is right.

During times like these everyone wants to act like Martin and Malcolm but don’t have what it takes to actually make a difference. See if one thing that sets these fake ass activists from legends in history is that they weren’t going to stop until things were right. They didn’t take breaks and talk about other shit, they had a task make change and a difference and they were fully aware of the risks when it came down to getting shit correct. These fake ass activists only will advocate during times in which some people are getting killed. 
Now I know someone reading this might say “hell since you talking about why don’t you be about it” I have no problem saying I am not an activist nor am I one to make change.  I am a leader and follower in some situations just like many of us are. I have brilliant moments in which I lead and others in which I know I need to follow and let someone else take the wheel. My moments in leading are not nowhere near helping to move millions of people into a united future.  I have no problem saying I know my limits.
Many people on social media are Internet famous and thats all good to be able to spread some informative news that’s happening around the world to make people aware but hey don’t be a part time advocate, take that platform that Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, Evan Williams,  Kevin Systrom, Mike Krieger and many others have invented and use it make some noise.
It all cool to be on change.org and sign a petition but do more.
The Occupy movement was all good but damn where the hell are they. I honestly haven’t heard mich from them in a while. I mean with them it’s the perfect platform to start from they are trying to help the 99% and with the killing of innocent people I’m sure there had to be some division of there organization that has to deal with the needs of 100% of the population if not and one if them reads this,  I strongly recommend that you do it would be for the betterment of this country we live in.
Everyone has ideas, it’s the one person who acts upon them and make them happen.

 
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Posted by on August 12, 2014 in Life, My Thoughts, News, People

 

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Regular News Update

For the past few months I have been looking for a home to purchase.  I am growing up in the world and I clearly need to start doing grown up things.

At one point the “Cooking Channel” and “The Food Network” were the channels I watched religiously but now I have been stuck on watching “HGTV”. I am completely overwhelmed and filled with anxiety at the same time.

I, like so many other, first time home owners have a lot of expectations in addition to that bitch called reality. There are so many things that I want to do but I need to make sure that I don’t end up in the poor house trying to do it.  Only thing I can do is just hope for good luck in my new endeavor of moving on up.

Anyway on to slightly different info I have not had my back blown out in a minute and my level of patience is growing at an all time high. For a number of different reasons. Just to name a few, “regular dick” buddy decided to be an asshole just minutes after the new year, so needless to say I am not speaking to him. Also “birthday dick” buddy (I got dick from on my birthday, i.e Birthday Fun) is at a distance for the his reasons. It’s kind of amazing how a good couple of amazing strokes will change my attitude.

I have recently been offered some dick just recently but unfortunately I’ve had it in the past and it was horrible, and that’s me putting it nicely. I would rather be irritable and frustrated then take him up on his offer.

Although it had been only 13 days into the new year I still haven’t talked to “regular dick” buddy. I thought about just being the bigger person just to use him but unfortunately the relationship we have made me stop thinking with my homegirl that lives in my panties and stay using my brain. He was the asshole and once he removes his head from his ass I’m sure he’ll get his act together.

As for “birthday dick” buddy, he needs to get his shit together pronto. He has one last opportunity otherwise he will be like “regular dick” buddy who begged for 4 years to get the box until I it was available.

Clearly I don’t have a romantic love life just an asshole and a weirdo.

I seriously need to get my life together.

In baking news, I can see with the end of last year and my constant baking for new clients this year maybe exciting and filled with flour in the air. I couple orders have come in so far. Only time will tell how I wm able to grow and expand.

Until next time phuckers, hopefully then I will have had an attitude adjustment.

 
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Posted by on January 13, 2014 in Life, My Thoughts, News

 

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Merry Christmas

I hope everyone was able to have a good holiday or if you don’t celebrate at least a nice day off

 
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Posted by on December 25, 2013 in Life, My Thoughts, News, Random Sh*t

 

Birthday fun

Ok so my birthday has come and gone. I am 9 รท 243. I could tell you or you can do the math. Try to not use a calculator, this is totally simple math that anyone can do despite if you’re an expert or beginner.  If you can’t please return back to elementary school.

Anyway I was home alone for the weekend because my roommates had to go to a funeral. I was cool with it because I was able to play “house” without nosey niggas all in my business. So with me being alone I was able to get my freak on. It was alright, but the 4 play I got from someone else wss better.

I know that may seem like I had a 3-some or it was just confusing, but let me explain.

Ok old buddy I spent the day with, literally all day. He left a few hours before my birthday began and promised to return to stay the night. I received a call from new buddy which led to him singing happy birthday and me going to see him. Spent a little time together to which it led to him trying to give me head. So I was already for my plans with old buddy but didn’t want to be a slut bucket so i had to back away from new buddy although he was kissing me in all the right places that made it unbelievably hard to say no. New buddy has soft hands and lips and wanted to please me so it was hard to keep saying no but ultimately I had to leave. Not to say anything was promised to new or old buddy it was just strange position I was in. Look I’m a girl who occasionally has morals so that was the reasoning of my predicament.

After I left I kept thinking about new buddy and getting calls to come back but I didn’t.
Old buddy was waiting for me in which I had amazing sex with new buddy in my head while old buddy was physically enjoying it.

After I recapped everything the next morning I felt slight regret but that went away after I made plans with new buddy that evening.

To bring this story to a close I had really great sex with new buddy only thing is that it was less than 24 hours that I was with old buddy. Just 3 hours shy to have it be completely 24 hours.

So yes I was a slut bucket on my birthday but dammit it was my birthday.
I know some may not entirely agree but hey its how i felt.

Anyway that’s how I can remember this birthday.

In other news

* My job has laid off about 100 supervisors and manager’s so I need to stay on the good side; until I my baking skills are impeccable to my standards that I’m satisfied with to leave them.

* I tried making cake pops or cake balls and it’s definitely a trial and error process. The mixture wasn’t am issue it was the coating and getting the balls to stay on the damn stick once I dipped them in the chocolate. I figured out how after the 5th time (sticking them in the freezer for about 5 to 10 min) but I’m not entirely impresed. I may need to cover them with fondant. If i can get it right.

See you all until next time

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2013 in Life, My Thoughts, News