So after about 14 months i am no longer out of commission. I FINALLY got the D but there maybe a bigger crises to avoid.
Just this past Saturday i went to a club with friends supporting a friends’ new job as a bartender in which i have to say she sucks. What kind of friend would i be to lie. Anyway when heading to the club i brought my fake-ass boyfriend along to party and so we could go home afterwards.
He is my fake-ass boyfriend due to we clearly know where we stand with each other, when we are together and when we’re not. No confusion and misunderstandings here.
The night was someone hectic but short lived. Just keep in mind that this night included alcohol and maybe a drug or two. Myself and my fake-ass boyfriend (now being called buddy in this story) pre-gamed with a “bar”. If you know what that is great, if not go ask a baser. This wasn’t a heavy drug and no flipping out but it made the night better later after the club.
Immediately after we went back to buddy house i wanted to sleep but the pressure i was feeling of something being pressed in my ass caused me to be somewhat alert.
Thinking back on it, it feels like a dream almost as if it didn’t happen; like a dreamt it all. It seems like i wasn’t awake but i know i was because there were a LOT of things happening. It was pretty great for me since i wasn’t getting any D in 14 months.
The last i remember is that he pulled out and it landed on my ass. He was nice enough to wipe it off and i literally passed out.
(Sidenote: If he can at least wipe his nut off of you he is fuck-able in the future and may care but if he doesn’t let that be the last time ya’ll have sex.)
After our coma i woke up to birds chipping, the sun shining and the nigga holding me snoring in my ear. I did the whole “were are my panties” line for a good minute.
Then took the walk of shame, not because i had sex but only because i don’t do sleep overs. I started to recap what the hell went down and why it was so good. It all was coming back to me that this nigga went raw damn near the entire time.
I didn’t get entirely upset because me and buddy have history but i started thinking more and more that i don’t want this nigga spawn in me.
For some that paid attention in health class, besides catching an STD when hitting it raw you can get pregnant even when using the pull out method. To those that know me on a personal level, i don’t like kids and damn sure don’t want any of my own rugrats running around no time soon.
After giving buddy his props on how it was good but then in the same breath cursing him out about the possible shit that can happen the call ended after he said, “you should go take the Plan B”.
After a full recovery i went to the pharmacy nervous and humiliated asking for the Plan B. After all of my years promiscuity i never been in this situation nor had an abortion. That would’ve been the next step if this shit fails. Sorry for all you pro life folks but you all can kindly click that exit button if you feel sensitive about that comment.
To conclude i took the Plan B hoping there won’t be a part 2 to this story of how shit is getting sucked out of me like a Dyson.
Happy New Year, forgive me for my extreme late pass